2020. I mean, 2020, right? This year has been really rough on everyone, but the last few months have been especially hard on me personally. I've been cycling between extreme anxiety and depression. Some of the worst of both I've ever had. It's causing major issues in my play-by-post gaming and my life in general, which only feeds back into the cycle!
So when I try to update my games I have terrible thoughts regarding pressure, self-worth, imposter syndrome, and so on. As a result I've been in full avoidance mode. I want so badly to finish "Dragon's Demand" and continue my mechwarrior treasure hunt. I want to get back in touch with Khar, a warrior who is unburdened by depression (but who does suffer from serious confusion about his place in Athas as a free mul), and with Drahlneep who does reflect some my emotional state. I miss Tarot's leadership, and I want to see how things shape up in Longacre and the Stolen Lands. I have a chance to join a new Dark Conspiracy game and how can I ignore that?
And I want to start a new project. For a while now I've wanted to go back to old school World of Darkness and have sketched out an outline for a Vampire game. I can't launch a new project with unfinished business and after a long period of absence, it's just not right. Besides, I want all my ducks in a neat little row first.
I've been having a lot of trouble pushing through the panic. I'm trying to refocus all the time and today I'm going to breathe through it and just try and move forward somewhere. New Year's resolutions will be including finding a decent therapist and somehow forcing more exercise. 2020 is almost over. Normalcy is knocking on the door.
Are you doing OK now? Still waiting to hear from you.
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